I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
