I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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