cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize