Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
