when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
