I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
