dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Alive.
So much puke
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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