I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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