We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
