to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
