somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think i peed on brittanys purse
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
