3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
