About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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