It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
