A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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