the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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