Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
