For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
