he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
