The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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