My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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