Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
