Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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