It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
