i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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