It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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