How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm at about main and main street
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
