why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
