my mouth tastes like poor choices
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
