he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
