actually, I'm a sock model
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
