The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
