I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
