Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
a search helicopter?!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
