Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
