I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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