Can i not drive my cunt home
it was like his penis was on wheels.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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