dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
