I think I died a long time ago.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
