Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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