They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize