Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You dont lie about slip and slides
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
