I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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