Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
