I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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