just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
