yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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