it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
