i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
