I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
