We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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