Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i've created a new STD.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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