you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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