Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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