you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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