Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
