He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
