It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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