why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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