i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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