Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize