East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
