Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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