Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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