Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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