Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
