Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
